Monday 27 July 2015

Why I Wish That I Hadn't Succumbed To The 'Norm'

Since I was really small, cricket has played a huge part in my life. I've been going to games every Saturday in the summer, and picking up the rules, and playing sweep shots in my back garden. And I love it.

When I was about 9, I went with my brother and father to a cricket training session, just because I wanted to try something new.

But the problem was, the coach was very 'traditional' in his beliefs, and didn't believe that the cricket field was the best place for women. So, obviously, the 2 of us girls who turned up to training week upon week didn't have a chance.

So, I gave up. We girls stopped training - at the time I didn't know of any girls who played cricket; didn't even know that there were female international teams.
I just knew that I wouldn't be seen in the same way as the guys.

Ok, I'm definitely not the best cricketer in the world. Heck, I'm not even the best cricketer in my family.
But shouldn't you do things because you enjoy them, not just because you're good at them? And maybe that's what I should have done. Stuck it out and practised some more. Even if I didn't ever play, or if I gave up when I left primary school...

Because my brother plays for the Seconds team, and both my parents are scorers, and my dad's a junior coach, and my brother's an assistant coach...

My family are all involved, and although I know that there's a place for me, I sometimes feel like a hanger-on.

If I was 10 years younger, then I'd possibly be playing right now. Because the new coach is amazing, and talks to me about the Women's Ashes (he's even desperate to train me up as an umpire right now!!)

So although we haven't had a women's team in our village since the 50s, I'm holding out hope that one day soon there'll be a group of girls who'll decide that they 
 love cricket and do what I did wrong in not caring what anyone thinks.

Tuesday 14 July 2015

Thinking Out Loud (Well, Nearly)

I am here
I don't know where I'm going
But maybe that's the best way to be.
These metaphoric arms
Still have half a hold upon me -
Tell me, why can I not feel free?

This is probably going to be the least organised post I've ever written, because it's basically just a jumble of thoughts that I need to put into words.

So, recently, I've been doing a lot of thinking.
I mean, a lot of thinking.

It's like my last year of school sucked my personality from me - fed me the opinions of others instead of my own, told me not to question why.

And now, I'm thinking so much. Forming opinions - so much so that I'm starting to question who I am.

What do I believe in? Where do I stand? Where am I going?

Where do I belong?

This question of belonging has been throwing itself about my brain for so long. Not so much in a physical sense - where is home? - but in a metaphorical (if not even spiritual) sense.

Where do I belong in this world I call home?

Of course, I know what I want to do for a living.
But that still doesn't stop these questions circulating.

Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?


But I think I've finally come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter.
You don't need to find yourself, because each day is a new day.
You learn, you discover, you grow.

As human beings, we evolve.

Each day, we will find a 'new' version of us.
It might not be a revolutionary change, but the us we are today will be different to the us we were yesterday - or the us we will be tomorrow.

After studying Buddhism for 2 years, I think these past weeks have allowed me to finally understand the concept of anicca. Impermanence.

Nothing stays the same forever.

It's why I don't enjoy the songs I did 5 years ago... Get along with the same people...

It's why I say I know where I belong, then question myself again.

I may have found myself when I was 15, but that doesn't mean that I'll be that same person forever.
I don't want to be that same person forever.

So maybe who am I? isn't the right question. Instead, maybe I should stop trying.
Stop trying to categorise myself, and instead concentrate on life itself.

Maybe by doing this, I'll find who I am, in this moment.

But, then again, who knows.

10 Songs That Are Beautiful (Links Included)

1. When The Right One Comes Along - Clare Bowen and Sam Palladio   (Thank you Nashville!)

2. Hero - Family of the Year   (The perfect song for a summer road trip soundtrack)

3. Flaws and Ceilings - Frank Hamilton and Lauren Aquilina   (Listened to this song alone in a university room at 7am, and cried)

4. Thorns - Charlie Simpson     (Ditto.)

5. Heartbeats - Jose Gonzalez    (This song gives me shivers every time)

6. Old Pine - Ben Howard   (Best intro I've ever heard!)

7. Tiger Striped Sky - Roo Panes  (I envy this man's song-writing talent)

8. Give Up - Low Roar  (This song is so magnificently beautiful and expressive)

9. I'll Keep You Safe - Sleeping At Last   ('You are an artist, and your heart is your masterpiece... I'll keep it safe...')

10. Monsters - Angus Powell   (Apparently he's just as good live as he is recorded. Which I believe, because this guy's voice is incredible)

Friday 10 July 2015

Current Thoughts - I Sometimes Wish I Was A Tree

  
I sometimes wish I was a tree.


Not a huge tree – just a little sapling;

An innocent fixture in this huge world,

Where darkness and beauty coincide.

 

And if I were this tree

I’d feed on nature’s radiance;

Bask in rays of sunshine;

Inhale the pollution of the world

 

Exhale purity.

 

I’d grow to be protector.

My boughs a shade from corruption;

In the shelter of my leaves

Man would unite harmoniously.

 

The world would stand witness

To this miraculous feat:

Bringer of peace;

Maker of forgiveness.

 

I sometimes wish I was this tree

Just this little sapling;

An innocent fixture in this huge world,

Where darkness and beauty coincide.

Wednesday 1 July 2015

First Ever Binge Watch

Hello! How are you guys?

So, now that exams are over (and I'm a free bird), I've been using my time productively by (kind-of) binge-watching the incredible TV series 'Nashville'.
Source: Huffington Post

The series started back in 2012, but I only became properly aware of it about a month or two ago, when I saw the advertisement for Series 3 (it's become a lot more advertised since it's moved TV channel this year!), but I waited until the end of my exams before giving it a go. Y'know, in case I got obsessed or something...

And then on Saturday (thanks to my mum, who had a midlife crisis and decided to switch TV package a month or so ago) I realised that I could actually watch all 3 series of this show on boxset whenever I wanted.  (I'm actually surprised just how excited I am about this. I'm not even a massive TV fan. I always get criticised by my friends for not having seen certain films/TV series).

So, basically, 'Nashville' is a TV series set in Nashville, Tennessee (*points for creativity*) based around the lives of fictional country-music artists Rayna Jaymes and Juliette Barnes, chronicling the ups-and-downs of their careers, personal lives, and the lives of those around them.

Trust me, it's a lot more exciting than it sounds.

And the music is incredible - as someone who wasn't quite sure where I stood on country music a week ago, I've definitely found my feet in the genre!

As I've probably mentioned before, actually hate long periods of doing nothing - there's nothing more that I'd love to do right now than be in France, or Iceland, or back in Tinos, doing something - but so far, my job search has been unsuccessful, and I can't really go too many places on a bus from my village, and I don't drive...

So, instead of actually, y'know, being productive, I've spent the last 5 days of my life watching 16 episodes of 'Nashville'.  16! Never before have I ever watched so many episodes of one series in such a short period of time. Ok, so I did fast-forward some scenes that I found a bit 'meh'-y, but that's still a lot of 'Nashville' in not a lot of time.

For the first time in my life, I have officially binge-watched.

And, although I do actually feel guilty about it, it also did feel pretty good.

...I'm not going to be making a habit out of it though (*presses play on episode 17*)...




Afterthought: I found my perfect volunteer project yesterday. It's in Iceland, travelling 1,700km across the country, making/editing/producing a video documentary (as a group) about life in Iceland (etc.).  Trouble is, it's next week (so, a bit short notice), and I wouldn't be back until the 20th July (and I'm going camping on the 20th of July).
I'm surprised just how sad I am that I can't go on this project. :(